This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
