My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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