you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
