Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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