the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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