You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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