Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
