My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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