Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
