PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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