If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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