just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
