My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In other news, I just burned my penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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