you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
