TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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