Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
