i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
