toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
