i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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