Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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