..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
