i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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