What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
