My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
