i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
