I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
