from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
