I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
