Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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