at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
