I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He passed out mid-signature
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
