I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
