Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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