I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
