Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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