I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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