Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
