apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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