"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
