I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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