I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
