But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
