and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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