i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
