I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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