great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
