would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
