im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
