I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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