11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
