i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize