I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
