The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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