physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
