ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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