First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am naked and annoyed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
