I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.