I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
