i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
