i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
