i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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