Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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