Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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