My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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