Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
