Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I lost the right to judge tonight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
