remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
