I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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