hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
