Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize