I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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