I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
