we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
