This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
