omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
