i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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