alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Drake has all the answers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
