the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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