I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize