i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
