Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
