it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
