He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
