You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
