Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
